A Daughter's letter to Dad

Hi Dad,

It was great to see you! I always enjoy spending time with you even though I messed up the enchiladas :(. Ah, I don't care if I messed up dinner, spending time with family was the most important thing :).

As for my brother, well... yes, he was drunk, and when he is drunk he becomes obstinate. I don't think there was anything you could have said to change the discussion or the outcome. I don't think you need to prove your Christianity to  my brother, you only need to prove that to God and Jesus...

This is where I have a problem: when religious beliefs become grounds for battle, the beliefs are not worth it. Whenever I fight with  my brother, this is what I say: Jesus never preached war, he loved everyone and did not judge anyone, he preaches acceptance and understanding...This is what I believe, and there are many ways to live the Teachings, as we are all unique. We, as humans, are flawed: we are judgmental, and becoming more than our judgments is the most difficult task that was given to us. My brother is stuck in between brainwashing and truth, in my opinion. This is where patience is the key ;) Only time can heal...And  my brother needs healing and a whole lot of patience. 

I need a whole lot of healing as well (and I will elaborate), but so do you. You said that when you think of the Pastor (I don't remember his name), you still become angry and that feeling of angriness eventually becomes resentment, but why is it there in the first place? In my opinion, it comes from the feeling of inadequacy you felt in your family when you were a child, but this is just my opinion and in no way means truth.

Believe me, Mom loves me, but I will never be the daughter she wanted, so I live with the constant feeling of inadequacy as well. This is not a criticism against Mom, I love her, she is just stuck within her ways of seeing things, just as my brother has allowed himself to be brainwashed (this may be to harsh of a word). This is where we need to be patient with Mom and my brother, you see? Becoming angry is useless. Jesus tried to teach us tolerance. This is where we need to learn to become more than our emotions, we need to become more than our anger, we need to become better than these conflicts. 

War ravages within me every day, I struggle with anger and fear! The only war is with me and myself, and I struggle to not bring that feeling outside of myself. This is the war that was taught in the New Testament, as I see it, the only conflict is with yourself, and what you bring others is the understanding of loving and acceptance. The message is simple, but we are maggots, and it takes so much work to live that simple Truth. No religion, no temple, no church, no denomination will bring you what Jesus tried to teach. Only true understanding of yourself, your shortcomings and your willingness to bring that understanding to others when you finally do manage to grow beyond yourself. I still have a lot of growing to do before I can give in any significant way, I do give to my son and to people in need around me, but that is all I can do at this time.

I hope I'm not insulting you in any way by writing these words, and words are never adequate to express what we feel. I would have way more words for my brother and Mom, but they don't need words, they need other forms of expression to understand. From a daughter to a father, I see in your eyes that you struggle with the same battles I struggle with.

I hope to speak to you soon. Lovingly,

A 

(not my daughter's initial. I friend sent this to me)

"If
you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living
in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present." -- Lao
Tzu